complicated friendship matter

Once they are my friends,play a lot,cry a lot...
But now it seems that all of them is just part of my memories
As like as 2010 going to past,our friendship is going to the end
End with my tears,only mine
U even not care that I'm crying or not
U ignore me ! U blame me !
Everything was my fault !

I felt like I was really invisible to them
And like They cannot sense my presence
It's like they was saying to me that I was not belonging to their friends anymore
I was not part of their class anymore
So they don't have any thing else related to me anymore
And then throw me like a trash..
No use anymore

I'm never expected this was going to happen again
Rather than that,some of my friends,judge me that I was arrogant
Is that really ? Am I ?
If yes,I'm sorry,I don't realize it
Everyone has their own weakness,EVERYONE !
U're had wrong,u're had fault
Me too
so I just want a forgiveness

I don't know how could I describe my bad feeling today
I just want to said
I was INSULTED by your action
I was INSULTED by your judge

i know

I know I'm not pretty yet cute
I know I'm not smart yet diligent
I know I'm not rich yet wealthy
I know I'm not up to date yet famous

I know I'm different yet weird in their eyes
I know I'm gushy yet loser
I know I'm a fool yet a coward

I know it all.
I know I'm not suit with them
I know they're not care about my presence
I know they looked down on me

I pretend to envy them even though I don't want
I pretend to praise them even though all of them were lies

The world say they are an angel
The world say they are a supporter
The world say everyone in this world need them

I just don't know why they have to be exist in this world

For me,sometimes,alone is better than together

Because everyone doesn't realize alone is always better sometimes.

problems around this weeks

Moshii moshi minasan !
Well,I haven't updated my blog since one month ago I guess
It was because my japanese test on 5 december
I have to prepare all the material and I learn that like a crazy person
Study from morning to night
but the worse is even I study that hard,I don't have a confident to pass the test
I just thought I'm too late in studying them.
I learn all that stuff just 3 weeks before the exam
And if I'm failed this time,that was not weird.
But although the fact was like that,sure it's still disappointing me
Because my try around that weeks is useless

another problem is that,because I have to learn my japanese,I'm offering the time to learn my school material
Now,it was 8 december,and I have a big exam due in one weeks
I haven't touched any of them and the worse it was totally blank.
Nothing was in my mind. What the teacher teach,none of them was in my brain now

Not just that,today I should say it was not my day. This day ruined up all !! All
I have a conflict with my friends yesterday.
Well,it was because I want to tell her that what she was doing now is wrong
But the result is she get mad with me. She say I'm not understand her problem.
And so because of that,today morning speechless was among us.
We're just chat about something important and finished with short answer
I really dislike a condition like that.
I don't want to make an enemies
I don't want to lose my best friend
but it was too late.
it was totally making me really frustrated
Finally tears comes out from my eyes.
I really want to hold it. Really..
But I don't have that strength

She saw me cry and the whole class too I think. It was totalyg embrassing me
She ask me why I'm crying.
But I'm not answer her
if she know I'm just cry about that situation
Sure she will think I'm a gushy girl
Well,I'm agreed with that. I'm admit I was a gushy girl.
Everyone in this world sure different in expressing their feeling
And me,I'm expressing it with tears.

Now tears couldn't solve the problems
I know it really well
But how do I suppose to do ?
Seems that she's not need me now..
I just don't want to lose a friends
So
I'm sorry pal
I shouldn't say that word to you
I am so sorry If my words was really hurting you

Now I know how true this quote is
Your mouth is your lion