complicated friendship matter

Once they are my friends,play a lot,cry a lot...
But now it seems that all of them is just part of my memories
As like as 2010 going to past,our friendship is going to the end
End with my tears,only mine
U even not care that I'm crying or not
U ignore me ! U blame me !
Everything was my fault !

I felt like I was really invisible to them
And like They cannot sense my presence
It's like they was saying to me that I was not belonging to their friends anymore
I was not part of their class anymore
So they don't have any thing else related to me anymore
And then throw me like a trash..
No use anymore

I'm never expected this was going to happen again
Rather than that,some of my friends,judge me that I was arrogant
Is that really ? Am I ?
If yes,I'm sorry,I don't realize it
Everyone has their own weakness,EVERYONE !
U're had wrong,u're had fault
Me too
so I just want a forgiveness

I don't know how could I describe my bad feeling today
I just want to said
I was INSULTED by your action
I was INSULTED by your judge

i know

I know I'm not pretty yet cute
I know I'm not smart yet diligent
I know I'm not rich yet wealthy
I know I'm not up to date yet famous

I know I'm different yet weird in their eyes
I know I'm gushy yet loser
I know I'm a fool yet a coward

I know it all.
I know I'm not suit with them
I know they're not care about my presence
I know they looked down on me

I pretend to envy them even though I don't want
I pretend to praise them even though all of them were lies

The world say they are an angel
The world say they are a supporter
The world say everyone in this world need them

I just don't know why they have to be exist in this world

For me,sometimes,alone is better than together

Because everyone doesn't realize alone is always better sometimes.

problems around this weeks

Moshii moshi minasan !
Well,I haven't updated my blog since one month ago I guess
It was because my japanese test on 5 december
I have to prepare all the material and I learn that like a crazy person
Study from morning to night
but the worse is even I study that hard,I don't have a confident to pass the test
I just thought I'm too late in studying them.
I learn all that stuff just 3 weeks before the exam
And if I'm failed this time,that was not weird.
But although the fact was like that,sure it's still disappointing me
Because my try around that weeks is useless

another problem is that,because I have to learn my japanese,I'm offering the time to learn my school material
Now,it was 8 december,and I have a big exam due in one weeks
I haven't touched any of them and the worse it was totally blank.
Nothing was in my mind. What the teacher teach,none of them was in my brain now

Not just that,today I should say it was not my day. This day ruined up all !! All
I have a conflict with my friends yesterday.
Well,it was because I want to tell her that what she was doing now is wrong
But the result is she get mad with me. She say I'm not understand her problem.
And so because of that,today morning speechless was among us.
We're just chat about something important and finished with short answer
I really dislike a condition like that.
I don't want to make an enemies
I don't want to lose my best friend
but it was too late.
it was totally making me really frustrated
Finally tears comes out from my eyes.
I really want to hold it. Really..
But I don't have that strength

She saw me cry and the whole class too I think. It was totalyg embrassing me
She ask me why I'm crying.
But I'm not answer her
if she know I'm just cry about that situation
Sure she will think I'm a gushy girl
Well,I'm agreed with that. I'm admit I was a gushy girl.
Everyone in this world sure different in expressing their feeling
And me,I'm expressing it with tears.

Now tears couldn't solve the problems
I know it really well
But how do I suppose to do ?
Seems that she's not need me now..
I just don't want to lose a friends
So
I'm sorry pal
I shouldn't say that word to you
I am so sorry If my words was really hurting you

Now I know how true this quote is
Your mouth is your lion

Random post

Annyoeng --
ogenki desuka ??hahahaha (how are you ?)

well,i am not well,first i really want to upload my photos at brastagi to blog but that damn telkom flash not allowing me to do it ?how ?it takes almost 20 minutes to upload only one photo and that's not include if there was an error after uploading...it makes me really mad..sometimes i really want to smash that little thing into broken pieces that it has no form anymore...!!!second i really have no idea how can i pass that japan test at 5 december later.Why ??because i haven't finished studying even the vocab !!! it's still not including the bunkei and the listening !!! aaaaaaaaa..i really want to scream !!Third,me and my friends going to have a photo shoot at brastagi but guess what ??i've got no pretty dress nor pretty shoes to wear...everyone going to use heels and i have no heels at my home,if i buy it,well,i never use a heels before and how can i suppose to learn how to use a heels just in 4 days ??impossible...four,my money decreasing quickly.Where did it goes ?dress for the photo shoot.....

i'm really pity right ? = =''

No title

Annyoeng !!
It's a been a while i haven't updated my blog...well,it's kinda really busy...i am so dying frustated...
First of all,my tabulation score is a DISASTER !i never expect it would be this worse...= ='' .
Second my japan test is coming due in 1 month and guess what ?i haven't touch any of the material...Even the teacher said our intensive class this year is the worse one...

It's nothing special around this month except everything about test and test.And oh yeah..lately my telkom flash is so making me upset..!! i cannot download anything and it's the same reason i can't updated my blog.It's so damn slow motion !!!

Aaaaa..almost forgoten...
Watch PLAYFULL KISS !! it's really a great drama...
And i wanna do some award later..between personal taste,the woman who wants to marry and playfull kiss..just wait it up...HAHAHA

Anw @Valenciana utari Ganbatte o !!!

totally scared

today,when i was going to go home from tuition,when i walked down through the gang ayam,when i realize i was walking alone through that road...this is the start of the accident
well,i 'm not sure this is danger or not for you,but for me yes.This whole story start when i was going to go home and i planned to go home by walk (saving the transportation fee).I usually go home through 'gang ayam'.Then when i walked through,i realize nobody was walking on that road.Just me.Suddenly,maybe just in a seconds,i realize someone walking behind me.When i peep my back,i know who is that.A boy that usually i saw at gang ayam.His mother sells food in front of my school,sometimes i saw him with his mother together sell food infront of my school.Still that time,no weird or danger feeling about that.But when he suddenly act weird like scratching his head and turning his head over me,i start to felt scared.There's like a voice calling me from my head  to run !it's danger !run as possible !when he starts to speak,i run.I still remembered what did he ask,"what time is it now ?" i turn my way to back and i run.When he saw me run,he asks "where are you going ?" when i heard that,my scared feeling  increase more and more.My hearts till now still beat really fast.Well,maybe this is just my own feeling but when this happen to you,are you not scared ?we don't know what he was going to do right ?if he really planned to do bad thing who knows ?

i promise,i won't go through that road if i was alone...next time i will called my friend to accompany me.>0<''

Flash KPOP news (!)

SHINee ♥
well,i thought shawols had known what happened to shinee during their trip to indonesia..and in fact i have to say that was so ashamed .I guess korea will judge us as a rude country..well,why not ?Everytime pop singer come to indonesia there's a problem during their concert or their trip.And now it's shinee turn.

i take some of the news,check it out : (source : www.allkpop.com)
it was revealed today that two of SHINee’s members were injured after a performance in Indonesia. SHINee took off for Jakarta to perform for the ‘Korea-Indonesia Sharing Friendship Concert‘, held on October 12th. SM Entertainment announced on the 14th, “The Indonesian fans showed a lot of interest in SHINee during this event. There were a lot of people that were waiting to see the group after the performance, so as Jonghyun was getting off-stage, he was being pushed around, causing him to twist his ankle and injure his ligaments. Key also got hurt at this time.”
SM continued, “Jonghyun went to a hospital in Seoul as soon as he arrived. He got a minor cast to protect his ankle. Key went to the hospital as well and they told him he should rest for a day or two. Because of this, SHINee could not make it to the event that was scheduled that night.”
SM added, “But their injuries are not serious, so their follow-up song ‘Hello’ will be promoted without problems. SHINee members remain very thankful of the Indonesian fans’ support.”
Their appearance in Indonesia made it to the first page of ‘The Jakarta Post’.

huh...this was really ridiculous actually...i hate them who attack jonghyun and key oppa like that..yeah i know that was just an accident but it just so funny hearing someone injured because of fans attitude... = =''

 three oppa that performed at jakarta

(uwooo..min ho oppa looks GREAT !♥)

M !countdown ♥

(the winner : B2ST)

2PM at m !countdown

Smiles rank top 20

No. 1 – Hongki  [ FT Island ]
No. 2 – Nickhun  [ 2PM ]
No. 3 – Donghae  [ Super Junior ]
No. 4 – Yonghwa  [ CNBlue ]
No. 5 – Leeteuk  [ Super Junior ]
No. 6 – Jang Geun Suk
No. 7 – Sungmin  [ Super Junior ]
No. 8 – Kim Hyun Joong  [ SS501 ]
No. 9 – Onew  [ SHINee ]
No. 10 – G-Dragon  [ Big Bang ]
No. 11 – KiBum  [ Super Junior ]
No. 12 – Kim Bum
No. 13 – Taeyang  [ Big Bang ]
No. 14 – Minhyuk  [ CNBlue ]
No. 15 – Taemin  [ SHINee ]
No. 16 – Jinwoon  [ 2AM ]
No. 17 – Kangin  [ Super Junior ]
No. 18 – Jo Kwon  [ 2AM ]
No. 19 – Daesung  [ Big Bang ]
No. 20 – Junho  [ 2PM ]
 there's no key and choi min ho = =''

depressed

What's on earth was going..!!Japanese really kill me !if i know it would be this hard i won't joined that exam actually...everyday kanji,hiragana and katakana letters dizzying my head so badly...That's still not include the others..in order to learn that stuff,i have to stop watching the korean-drama(which i love the most),stop browsing or playing games..that means = DIE !! urghh..is there something which could make me easier to learn japanese.??..if i just attend the japanese class,it won't do , i will totally failed for the exam...but i couldn't be like the others gakusei(it means student) who can study all of them everyday,everytime,and everysecond of their break time !! i need dramas,games,internet REFRESHING !!! depressed = =''


Rather than that,i have to deal with monthly exam due in 2 weeks more.The bad news is i haven't touch any of them.I have no idea whether i can learn my japanese and my monthly exam material too..that's still not include my daily jobs !!urghh..i wish a day is not just 24 hours..!!!

Finally RELEASED !!!

finally,shawols,what we're waited for so long...SHINEE-HELLO (MV) !!! check it out !!!♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skZxb5sBoiU&feature=player_embedded

(sorry i can't post the videos here...it's too large)

overstressed over loaded

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What a terrible day = =

Sucks ! That was what i am going to say about today..i've never met an accident like this before !how could a pedicab driver mad at me but he is the one who's wrong ?he even shouts at me with really unpolite word 'YOU'RE DEVIL !' he even said that all to my neighbor !! i am not wrong mr driver..you are...!!
this began with when i and my friend are going to go home but we used the same pedicab because it's same route ,we agree to paid IDR 5000 (that was so cheap for 2 destination places) .i even said that 2 places clearly and repeat that twice !!...but how unfortunate,maybe because the driver is old then not hearing that we said about TWO destination places or maybe he is intentional to do this.he's going to my friend home first...so i think that maybe he is carry my friend first and so that i am the last...but it's not like that..after arriving my home he shouts at me...you're devil..that was so far..and bla bla that i couldn't hear what he was saying.what i am sure is i am blamed by something i am not do..blamed by something that was not my FAULT !!!because i was so so upset that time(who's not ?) i throw my money (IDR 10000) that IDR 5000 more than what we agreed last time(i was so rude but how am i suppose to do ?too upset).Then who's wrong according to you ?me or that driver ?He is the one who's not heard that clearly...or maybe he is intentional to do such works !!
- - end - -

SHINee ♥♥ new upadate !

Hey yo !! i've got a really good news for all shawols !!well,i think all of you had known that,probably i am the one who wasn't the most updated..but although it was like that,i'm so HAPPY to inform that shinee finally released their new album-hello (repackage)...!! besides,on twitter today,they became the first trending topic !!all k-pop today !!WHAT A GREAT DAY ! shawols tweets fulling my timeline !!haha...don't forget to check it out !!

 

 check these pictures ! it was so cuteeee ♥

KYAAA ♥ ! meltingg ughhh...Min ho oppa !!

waaaa...so cuteee ki bum !!

who's did this ?if i know the person i will terror her for sake of her life !! *groarr*

.......................

When i was little,this feeling never come to my mind,i never think such way about her.But now it's changing.It's a rare feeling and i know it was not good.Once i was always smarter than her,i was always win almost everything than her,my mom and dad proud with me rather than her.I was really happy that time.But i know she wasn't..i never thought about her feeling,i was always want to be number one in everything.
Now,slowly but sure,it's like she's start to take that all from me,now she's smarter than me,she's even kinder than me,everyone proud with her,all of them.Somehow i was really jealous with her.I'm not used to be lose by her and now i have to face that fact.It was really troublesome.Everyone praised her in front of me.Somehow i felt like if i was near with her everyone will compare me with her or else she will be praised and i looked like a dumby there.I hate that indeed...
But i know this feeling was wrong,i know it.Everyone certainly had their own talent that was given by god.No one in this world that don't have their own talent.So,i cannot be selfish,this time is not my time,but i know someday,i will do my best and make my families and friends proud that they have me in this world.

SHINee come to INDONESIA !!♥

Have all of you,big fans of shinee know about this news ?pretty sure yes you did.I am so so super excited when i've been informed about this news.The most great news is the ticket to enter that concert is for FREE !let me repeat it,FREE.But pity of me,i couldn't attend that concert,knowing that i'm living in medan which far from a place where concert will be held,knowing that the transport fee is really super expensive,and my parents would not let me go.I can predict what would my parents say.When i said "mom may i go to jakarta ?" , mom "for what ?" , me "to attend a concert" , mom "insane".Short and clear.No way i can go.No way.

Well,i will share some information about that here :
Title : korea-indonesia friendship concert
Place : indonesia (jakarta , tennis indoor senayan jakarta )
Time : 12 oct 2010 (19.30-21.25)

ticket :email to arirangFC@arirangtv.com,(name,gender,age,phone number,email)

300 first sender will get the infront seat which mean you can watch jonghyun oppa,min ho oppa,key oppa,tae min oppa and onew oppa with really near distance !!!i am so jealous with all of you who able to attend that concert...aaaaaaa...!!!

The sits are just able to fit 2500 peoples only,so come on email or check arirang.com to know more about the information.

(wish i can go)

SHINee forever ♥ !

minho,taemin,jonghyun,onew,key

(aaaaa min ho oppa,you're really hot !)♥

Flashback

it's been a while since holiday,i never contact my old friends.Well,i do with one of them,cause we're really close,but for the other i guess not.I don't know why,is it because i'm the one who's care about my pride so i don't texting them first ??emm..i don't know,i have text them about a month ago but the result is disappointing me,they reply with a short and clear message.We're only texting about what's important between us or when we need her help.That's what i get around this year.Maybe the conclusion i get last time still never change.I do never believe in best friend forever in this world.Why ?because i really had through so many experience that proven my conclusion about that.Well,i'm not intend to say around this world no one have a best friend but i'm just saying that maybe i haven't got anyone for my really best friend.

Yesterday,when i search my videos,suddenly i saw some videos,videos that remind me with my old friends,when we got really crazy time and really have fun.In sudden i really missed that time so much.I'm going to upload this video here,but don't laugh okay ??it's really embrassing.I'm just going to upload one since it was not so crazy like the other one.

And here some old pictures,when we're in a narsism to the MAX (hahaha ♥)

my short hair is really pisses me off 

= ='' goshhh !!what's wrong with my face ?it's so so so ugly !!

realize,i'm really not suit with short hair = =''

i'm the weird one,the black one,the worse pose = =''

my hair is really too too too short waaaa xo

wkwkwkwkwk ♥

BBQ party at my house !!!

wohoooo...!!!it's really a great bbq party guys...well,because i've never join bbq and finally i can sense it and it was in my house..!!i am just so happy :))
at first,we're (monika,vivi,oliv,ah,felix and me) going to brastagi to buy the ingredients...well,it's pretty fun there,chattering a lot of cooking stuff that i don't know any of them,but thanks for them,now i know a little of them,we're looks like young mother hahaha :),anw we're buying a lot of ingredients till we must pay 662.000 rupiah,i should say it was very big amount.

at night,all of us,each other have their own works.Me as the owner of the house,can't join the kitchen working because i must go down and up stairs to take this and that and to open the door for my friend.

 preparing the ingredients :)

olivia-the chef ♥

narsism everywhere !! ♥

drinking the vodka hahaha :)

playing computer whenever they relax...

vivi is the james bond here...>0<

hahaha ♥

narsism to the MAX !

                                                    ah,u look weirdo here = =

SHERLY !LOL ♥ !

from right : monika,vivi,angoh,oli

we're finished at 12 a.m,preparing all of the ingredients.Then it's time to BBQ party.
Check this pictures,these were all what we're doing at 5th floor..hahahaha

angoh ♥

ken

cooking the sangwo ♥

tejo ckckck = =''

yum yummy ♥ 

mrs.marlina hahaha ♥

WOW ♥ !

miss cute claudia ☻♥

mar and mar

(marlina and mariana)

 who is this ?☺

look at my pony..it's so igghhh = = ''

note : they are not a couple 

hahahaha

hahahahaha ☺

wkwkwkwkw ♥

note : this is the real couple 

hahaha ♥

monika ♥

$ ajimbo $

ikkhhh..that silly face hahaha ☺

smile click !! hahaha

theo,yika,mar,and sherly

oh my = =

vivai ♥

ckckckck = =''

and look at my weirdo face = =''